Well we can reschedule, post pone and delay no longer…
We are heading towards our first underway prior to my husband returning from deployment. They had a really lucky stretch of being at home <~hahahaha I kid the poor men have been stressed out of their minds trying to get things together.
I was asked recently: “How does one survive an underway?”
So here is Faithie’s guide to surviving underways:
First. I am up front with the kids. I let them know when he’s leaving and for how long. I have been blessed with some amazingly well adjusted kids. They have learned from day one that life will go on without daddy just fine..
We have special events that happen when my husband is gone. One is that I allow the kids to “sleepover” in my bed on the weekends. It’s a pain in the butt for myself, I like my space when I sleep.. but it gives the kids something to look forward to throughout the week.
I make crucial effort to make sure that other than that, our schedule remains the same. Karate will not be missed! Chores will be kept up and homework completed. Mandatory reading/writing time at 7pm.
I make the worlds most ridiculous list that is inhumanly possible to complete…
Here’s a brief look at what’s on my list:
Number 1. Which I have been itching to do ever since my husband came home from deployment. Yes I COULD have done it any time with my husband being home, but where’s the fun in that?
When we first moved in, this wallpaper was really pretty…. but with kids being kids they’ve torn it in a few places.. Suffice to say it’s time for the wallpaper to go and a nice fresh coat of paint to replace it.. My kids will be helping with this project since they apparently like taking it down… 😉
Master the new fancy looking lawn mower my husband purchased a month ago..
Apparently this puppy cuts our lawn mowing time from 6 hours with a push mower to an 1 1/2. That actually bums me out a bit because during deployment some of my most peaceful moments were with my headphones on blasting Maroon 5 and communing with my yard. I will learn to at least master this big guy even if I choose to mow the old school way.. I think I have to endure drinking a beer while doing it though..Pretty sure drinking a beer while mowing the lawn is in the manual..
Learn, and perform, the lyrics to Can’t Hold Us by Macklemore. Don’t judge… I might even post it on here 😉
Finish this beautiful Poppy Cross Stitch..Maybe even be so bold as to frame it and give it to the intended recipient.
Number 5 is another stitchy related goal. One of my best friends Holly got married a YEAR AGO almost.. I’ve completely pushed this project off to complete the Kauai Sunset. Now it’s time to bring this one to life.. A snippet:
Number 6: Run no less than 30 miles on the treadmill.
Number 7: Get Car #1’s breaks fixed.. Plus all the routine TLC.. oh and don’t forget to get the CV joints checked out <~ hubby reminded me only a thousand times!
Number8: Bring hellspawn car to the dealership to get its breaks done as well…
Number 9: Hand make little girl’s b-day invitations.
It’s an ever growing list..
~~~ Now all of this is well and good for normal time periods. When the days have no real significance… What about birthdays/holidays/anniversaries?
We’ve adopted this philosophy: There are days the calender says are special moments.. and there are days the heart says those days should be on. And our hearts say that most holidays need to be celebrated with daddy in attendance. This is kind of fun because this usually means you get to celebrate the said holiday TWICE. And I hear that’s twice as nice.. har har
On my husband’s last deployment he missed all those fall/winter holidays.. and then the extension made him miss some more… It was harder on him I am willing to bet than it was on us. We had each other to get through this time. He had only a tube full of really disgruntled sailors. The fix: One big epic combination of those holidays.. Pick the best of each one and you’re got a really fun day in the works!
Birthdays usually get a different work up. I go over the top crazy on birthdays for the kids..I labored for hours to bring them into this world, so if I want to go crazy that’s my right.. I’m talking lots of presents and biiiig birthday parties with handmade invitations/gift bags.. the works!
My husband will give the child a few early gifts.. which undoubtedly makes the other jealous because daddy didn’t miss theirs and they didn’t any gifts early lol. Then we’ll do something small and special on their actual birthday. We’ll have a party when my husband gets home even if it’s a month after their birthday.. Unfortunately this plan didn’t quite work out last year for my youngest daughter. Hubby did end up missing her party and everything.. My plan isn’t completely full proof…
..Now.. as if this isn’t long enough…
Here’s what NOT TO DO:
Act like your life ended because your significant other isn’t by your side. The most valuable gift that underways/deployments can give you is the self empowering knowledge that YOU ARE A FORCE TO BE RECKONED WITH. You have more strength in you than you realize even on the days you think you don’t. If you need to cry, cry! There’s no shame in expression your feelings.. Just don’t let it own you for the duration he’s gone..
Go on insane shopping sprees. As much as the immediate comfort may hit the spot… it’s temporary.. And no sailor likes to come home after being gone for an extended period of time to no money but lots of new shoes.. That doesn’t mean don’t splurge and get yourself something special.. just find other ways to find that moment of gratification.
Spend the time breaking the wives down. This is a new thing I’m seeing as of late.. I’m seeing a lot of cliques forming and then spending their time bullying other wives for the duration the boat is gone, and then acting like angels when the boat comes back.. I know for the majority of us, that underways have a this huge vibe of negativity. We should use this time to lift each other up, not make ourselves feel temporarily superior to feel better…
Spend the time with someone else in your bed… <~ It happens too often… Not cool
I’d like to say with each passing underway or deployment that it gets easier.. Unfortunately, for most it does not… We get better about coping and adjusting with the situation. Any feedback on how you endure these time periods would be greatly appreciated!